In the New Testament, Ephesians 5 stands as the most comprehensive address to husbands, a passage both lengthy and challenging. Like any scriptural text, this one evokes a range of emotions. A few years back, I gathered perspectives from men I know, seeking their experiences and feelings toward Ephesians 5.
Responses varied widely, with some finding it intimidating, overwhelming, and even convicting, while others found it encouraging and motivating. Yet, a consensus emerged: the sentiments of one individual who aptly stated, “This is quite a tall order for us as husbands.” It’s encouraging to hear this coming from a man who has dedicated decades to Christ’s service.
Ephesians 5 arises from a broader theme of the Spirit’s fullness and empowerment, urging us to allow the Spirit free reign in our lives. This passage underscores that husbands loving their wives sacrificially is the tangible manifestation of the Spirit’s presence and power, and we must maintain this perspective as we dive into this scripture.
The Text: Ephesians 5:25-32
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
The Gospel as the Model for Marriage
At the heart of our text lies a clear directive: husbands are commanded to love their wives unconditionally, with the term “as” recurring three times (verses 25, 28, 33). This sequence establishes a pattern of command followed by explanation, forming the backbone of the passage. When distilled, there is a primary command coupled with a corresponding explanation, revealing that the love husbands are called to exhibit is modeled on the love of Christ for the church.
Dying for the Bride. Christ’s sacrificial death set the church apart, representing the Son’s self-surrender for His bride. This concept resonates with the New Testament’s depiction of the Father giving the Son and the Son willingly giving Himself. Christ’s actions were a deliberate expression of His love and commitment, which then led to the church’s cleansing and sanctification. It’s important to grasp that sanctification is Christ’s accomplishment for the church, where we’re made holy through His perfect life and death.
This sanctification is a two-fold process: positional and progressive. The former reflects our standing as a holy and pure bride in Christ’s eyes, while the latter pertains to our gradual transformation into the likeness of this position. This analogy underscores that husbands must set their wives apart, spurring them toward God and sacrificially promoting their growth.
Caring for the Body. Another dimension of Christ’s love is manifest in His care for the church, likened to the union between Christ and the church as a body. Our actions towards our spouses should mirror this care, illustrating our understanding that to love our wives is, in fact, to love ourselves.
Our care is likened to Christ’s nurturing and cherishing of the church. This illustration grants husbands two concrete expectations: nourishing, denoting provision, and cherishing, representing emotional care. These actions echo Christ’s love for the church and provide a framework for our behavior as husbands.
The Gospel as the Mystery of Marriage
Verse 32 unveils marriage’s profound mystery: it has always existed to symbolize the gospel. Marriage, created by Christ, serves as a living parable of Christ’s sacrificial love for His bride, the church. This perspective transitions us to our next point: the gospel as medicine for our marriages.
The Gospel as the Medicine in Marriage
The gospel is not merely our model; it is our remedy. It reminds us of our dependence on it, recognizing our inadequacy to fulfill our roles without its grace. Our failures in marriage should drive us back to the gospel, focusing on Christ as our substitute. Christ isn’t just our example; He’s our savior. This distinction is pivotal: Christ’s sacrificial act is our foundation, and our acts are an outpouring of His grace.
You are the Her in the Text. We are part of the church, referred to in feminine pronouns. This text speaks directly to us. We have been sanctified, cleansed, and set apart by Christ. Our failures don’t negate His work; we are covered by His righteousness. Remember Romans 4:8—God will never count our sin against us. His forgiveness is absolute and unwavering.
The Bridegroom Who Never Leaves. To those wounded by marriage or struggling in it, remember that Christ’s faithfulness surpasses any human shortcomings. Hebrews 13:5 assures us that He will never leave us. This loyalty underscores Christ’s unbreakable covenant with us.
The Place of Community and Transparency. We must not isolate ourselves. Seek help when needed, confessing and seeking counsel from trusted individuals. This transparency mirrors Christ’s forgiveness and His work within us.
Ultimately, the gospel is marriage’s heart. It is its model, mystery, medicine, and motivation. Rooted in the gospel, our marriages become living expressions of Christ’s love. Let us continually cling to the gospel, applying it to our lives, and allowing it to shape how we love our spouses. As men, we must grasp that this gospel-fueled love makes us mighty and empowers us to serve as Christ’s hands and heart within our marriages.